5 Ways to Support Someone in a Domestic Violence Situation

Supporting someone in a domestic violence situation can be difficult, but your care and understanding can make a significant difference in their life. Here are five ways to offer help and be a steady source of support:

1. Listen Without Judgment
One of the most powerful things you can do is listen. Allow them to share their experiences without interrupting, offering solutions, or being judgmental. This can help them feel heard and understood, which is often a huge relief in situations where they might feel isolated. Avoid asking questions like, “Why don’t you just leave?” or “What did you do to provoke it?” These kinds of statements can make them feel blamed or misunderstood, which could push them further into silence.

2. Offer Emotional Support
Let them know that you are there for them, no matter what. Reassure them that they are not alone and that the abuse is not their fault. Domestic violence often leaves victims feeling powerless, ashamed, and trapped, so your consistent emotional support can help rebuild their confidence and sense of self-worth. You don’t need to have all the answers—sometimes, being present and expressing care is enough to make them feel less isolated.

3. Help Them Create a Safety Plan
A safety plan can be a crucial tool for someone in a domestic violence situation. Help them identify safe places, such as friends’ or family members’ homes, shelters, or other safe spaces. Ensure they have emergency contacts, and discuss ways to leave the situation quickly if needed. The safety plan should include gathering essential documents (ID, money, medical records) and identifying escape routes. Ensuring they have a trusted code word to signal when they are in immediate danger can also be life-saving.

4. Respect Their Decisions
Understand that leaving an abusive relationship is not easy, and it can even be dangerous. While you might feel frustrated or want to push them to leave immediately, respecting their pace is important. For many survivors, there are emotional, financial, and safety considerations that make leaving difficult. Pressuring them may make them feel isolated or reluctant to share updates with you. Trust that they are the best judge of their situation and support them in their decisions, whether they choose to leave or not.

5. Provide Resources to them
Domestic violence victims often need practical help to navigate their way out of abuse. Share information about local resources such as shelters, hotlines, legal aid, or counselling services that specialize in supporting survivors. Ensure they know about organizations that can provide housing, legal support, financial assistance, or trauma counselling. Make sure these resources are easily accessible, as they may need them quickly in case of an emergency. You can also offer to accompany them in seeking help, but always let them take the lead.

Supporting someone in a domestic violence situation requires patience, empathy, and knowledge. By listening without judgment, offering emotional support, helping them create a safety plan, respecting their decisions, and providing access to resources, you can make a difference in their journey to safety and healing. Remember, your role is not to rescue them but to empower them with the support they need to make decisions for their well-being.

If you or a loved one need any support or advice regarding domestic violence, please contact:

Tears Foundation
24/7 FREE Hotline 0800 083 277 or via WhatsApp: 066 435 3108

MOSAIC
021 761 7585 or via email: admin@mosaic.org.za

National Shelter Movement 
24/7 FREE Hotline 0800 001 005 or via email: infohelpline@womenscentre.co.za